Elana Rosenbaum MS, MSW, LICSW, Mindfulness Coaching, Mentor and Professional Trainer, Author

Relationships are important to me, and they, too, need tending. Sometimes, the people most important to us can be the most challenging. I like to get my way, and so does my husband David. Recently, we spent time with my family in California. It was a beautiful day, and we had taken the train with my niece to San Francisco. She was going to work, and we were going to a museum. We planned to meet for dinner in an area near where she used to live but a distance from the museum. Then we returned to Sacramento, where we were staying. We were tired when we left the museum for the Bart station and needed guidance on how to get a ticket in this busy hub. There were many options, and we weren’t sure how much a ticket to our destination cost. In our fatigue and anxiety, we differed on the amount and whether it was necessary to include the price of the pass to the transit system. I thought one thing and David another.

We could not agree on the information we received from the man in the information booth, and both of us stubbornly and heatedly defended our position. Each of us thought we were right. What was important? Being right or taking a breath, calming, and listening to each other? Essential was cooperation and goodwill. This needed to be improved. Finally, in frustration, I returned to the information booth and paused to take in the information again. I discovered my husband was correct. I do not like being wrong. I do like harmony and I did want to meet my niece and enjoy being with my husband and her. I paused, let go, and we got our tickets.

When the train arrived, it was crowded. I found a seat, but David was moving slower and had to stand. A stranger sitting next to me noticed we were together. Seeing my husband’s gray hair and tired face, he got up from his seat and gave it to him. David and I looked at each other. I smiled. He met my eyes. Peace? Not quite, but on its way. It was important. We both thanked the man and appreciated being able to rest. We were chagrined that we had argued, but angry feelings were dissipating. Our good Samaritan did not hesitate to give up his seat. He saw a need, put aside his self-interest, and generously acted. It was an excellent reminder to be kind, respect each other, and enjoy the privilege of being well enough to get on a train and have the energy to argue—and makeup. Then we could enjoy our dinner and our niece.

Understanding and kindness are important. My family is important. Recognizing vulnerability and the preciousness of love and connection is important to me. Being grateful that my husband and I are alive and together is a gift I cherish. Valuing the time we have to be together and using it wisely is important to me. I’m also committed to acknowledging what is true, even when I wish it was different. Values I hold dear are being honest and seeing things clearly and with kindness. I find it hard seeing the effects of aging on dear ones. My brother  is having medical issues. I see how busy and tired my nieces and nephews become working and caring for their children. The children grow up so quickly. What a wonder. All of us are subject to aging, illness, loss, and death. What’s important? Living as wisely as possible, NOW!